


Puzzle Of My Heart

by 185cmbaekhyun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Bottom Oh Sehun, Coming Out, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Top Kim Jongin | Kai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-24 13:24:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17705069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/185cmbaekhyun/pseuds/185cmbaekhyun
Summary: There's a lot about Sehun that Jongin's been curious about ever since he came out. Like there's a huge part of him that Jongin doesn't know, and it just feels wrong, foreign. He's always known everything, every single detail about Sehun.





	Puzzle Of My Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ohsehunmom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohsehunmom/gifts).



> Happy Valentine's Day everyone and Happy Birthday Sittie. I hope you enjoy this little gift 💕

 

 

Over the roar of music, a distant, hazy chatter and enthusiastic laughter can be heard, mingled with glasses clanging against each other. The smell of alcohol and cigarettes hangs thickly in the stuffy air. Despite all the conventionalism, this is by far the most boring college party Jongin's ever attended. It lacks a lot from Jongin's expensive tastes, clearly prepared incautiously. He guesses it's a given coming from exhausted college students. As long as there's a room, music and booze, anything will do to blow off some steam.

  
  


All uneasiness is saved only by his best friend's company, sitting closely by his side. But judging from his blank expression, and the way he's dispiritedly resting his head against Jongin's shoulder, he'd definitely be better off lounging at home than sitting in front of this old large table arranged with bottles of cheap beer and obligatory plastic cups.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Jongin asks, leaning closer to his friend with a hint of concern clouding his face.

 

“Im fine. It's just a little too crowded here.” Sehun says, tugging at the collars of his shirt in utmost irritation. He's right. Too many people, too little entertainment all the same.

 

“It's a college party, what were you expecting?” Jongin chuckles, intending to at least light the mood up a bit.

 

He’s come all the way here, and he's aiming to make tonight an unforgettable one nonetheless.

 

“I wasn't expecting anything because i didn't want to be here in the first place.” Sehun deadpans, always so forward and sassy.

 

“Come on. Relax man. I'll get you something to drink.”

 

“No more beer. Get me some water.” Sehun orders, sitting up straighter as Jongin stands and ambles away to the bar.

 

He returns too soon, a bottle of water clutched in one hand, wearing the widest smile he can flaunt. 

 

“Guess what? Those two girls over there are staring at us.” Jongin says, jerking his chin towards the table to the far corner of the room.

 

There are two girls seated there, giggling and glancing over them periodically. One of them with long black hair, the other one with bangs and brown hair tied up in a ponytail.

 

“So?” Sehun’s tone is blank like his face as Jongin hands him the bottle.

 

“They're hot.”

 

Sehun’s face remains expressionless. “Really?”

 

“Come on. Cheer up a bit. Let's court them. I'll let you choose the one you like best. I think the one with long hair is into you.” Jongin insists, tugging at his sleeve tenaciously. 

 

He knows that when Sehun gets moody like this, he can be insufferable. That doesn't mean he will stop trying. He needs to get laid as soon as possible, and those two girls are practically open for offerings. 

 

“No, Jongin. I'm not really in the mood.” Sehun protests, taking a full gulp of the water. Jongin groans, and persistent as ever, tugs more at Sehun's sleeve. 

 

“Don't be so shy. I'll do all the talking.”

 

“I don't--”

 

“Oh damn. I think they're coming here. Act cool.” He cuts off, nudging Sehun with his shoulder, a gleeful grin stretching his whole face.

 

“How am I--” Sehun's starting to quibble, when Jongin drops a hand to his thigh and squeezes firmly. Sehun's protest is swallowed down his throat and he stiffs, sulking.

 

The two ladies are petite and soft looking, though one of them is skinny and shorter, the other sports a thicker and sensual body. Jongin's exact type.

 

“Hey guys. Can we have a seat?” The shorter one requests, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Jongin flashes her a courteous smile, gesturing towards the vacant seats.

 

“Sure,”

 

“Hey, Sehun. You alright there?” The other one, Jongin's dream girl, asks as she takes a seat and crosses her delicious thigh on top of the other. Jongin notices her short, tightly attached dress slightly sliding up and revealing her smooth, supple skin. 

 

“I'm sleep deprived.” Sehun replies all too casually, and only then it downs on Jongin. 

 

“Do you know each other?” He asks surprised, eyes drifting between them. This is only getting easier and easier for him by the minute. 

 

Not that it ever tends to be difficult for Jongin. He's hot, rich and popular. So when he's needy, he usually gets any girl kneeling down at him with a simple snap of his fingers. It's a feat he's quite proud of.

 

“Yep, Sehun's in some of my classes.” She explains, smiling fondly. “I'm Seulgi, by the way. This is Joy.”

 

_ Joy _ . 

 

Jongin is so overjoyed, pun intended, that he puts aside the supposedly resent he was to feel for Sehun, for being friends with the hottest girl from college and not introducing them sooner.

 

“We always see you two together. So we got curious about Sehun's hot friend.” Joy says, winking at Jongin, and he sends her a nailing smirk in response.

 

His sexual drought is definitely coming to an end tonight. Heaving a long sigh, Sehun brings himself to his full height, smoothing out the wrinkles on his leather white jacket.

 

“Well, the moment is here, ladies. Have fun, I'll be heading home.” He announces gently, bowing at them. Skeptical, Jongin grabs his wrist.

 

“Hey, are you sure?”

 

Sehun grins down at his friend, and there's not a single ounce of discomfort on his face anymore. It sort of puts Jongin at ease for some reason.

 

“Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll just take a cab.” He tells him, daintily freeing his wrist. “Enjoy the night, kids. Now, if you excuse me.”

 

A tiny part of Jongin grows disappointed at the sight of his friend heading off through the crowd, until Joy slides her delicate and small hand on top of Jongin's, and soon all else fades, opening room for a steamy night.

  
  
  
  


If Sehun had stayed, the girls would have totally had the best night of their lives. That's what Jongin catches himself thinking as he sneaks a couple of discreet glances towards his friend, freshly out of a shower. Sehun's notoriously attractive, and that's something that's not only restricted to his remarkable looks. He's also sweet and caring on the inside, and somehow that makes him even more handsome.

 

It's some kind of a benevolent envy, perhaps. Sehun's tall, taller than Jongin even, and broad with just the right bulkiness to his muscles. He's lean, and long, bony around the edges but soft on the rosy spots of his milky skin, like on his slight prominent cheeks. His face resembles expensive and rare art, carrying those expressive eyes and mysterious mystique. No wonder the girls couldn't stop mentioning last night.

 

“So, how was it with the girls?” Sehun asks, eyes darting up to Jongin, who promptly casts his own gaze down his phone, focus reattaching to the text message Seulgi is currently sending.

 

She's complaining to be a little sore on her thighs from the position she as held last night. 

 

“Amazing. Best threesome of my life. I made them eat each other out while I watched, and I gotta tell you, it was hot.” Jongin depicts, with a cocky raise of his eyebrow.

 

“Ugh, spare me the details, please.”

 

Sehun snorts, shrugging on a tight shirt that hugs his expansive chest snuggly. Jongin thinks he should maybe consider changing his entire wardrobe for larger sizes.

 

In contradiction, his waist is so thin, so narrow. He looks like a dorito. And he doesn't even go to the gym that much to be that fit.

 

“Joy kept asking about you, though. I've got her phone number in case you're interested,” He says, gesturing at his phone. “You won't regret it, believe me. She's got a great body.”

 

Admittedly, it was kind of a downer how she kept bringing him up, even when Jongin was just about to bury his face in between her legs. He won't hold it against her, though. He kind of comprehends. They missed a chance to hook up with Sehun. That's probably a reason to feel lamentable about. 

 

“No, thanks. I can't.”

 

“Why not? Man, she's one of the hottest girls in our college.” Jongin insists, sitting up on the couch. Sehun finishes dressing himself up by sliding on his equally tight jeans, and Jongin wonders if his legs are longer than his own. They could be. They are endless. 

 

“I know, I… I'm seeing someone.” Sehun blurts, keeping his eyes down as though fastening a zipper can take up all his attention.

 

Jongin takes longer than necessary to interpret what he was just told.

 

“Wait, you are? And you didn't tell me?” He wheezes, eyes bulging out in shock.

“I'm telling you now.”

 

It makes sense now, how Sehun's always been too hesitant for hookups. Wrongly, Jongin has always deemed him for a shy and inexperienced guy. In fact, he's always been the type of righteous guy to hold on to serious relationships other than casualties. It does makes sense, still Jongin feels a little… wronged inside.

 

“How long? Who is she?” He pesters, nudging Sehun with his bare foot. With a roll of his eyes, Sehun swats him off, but proceeds to plop down beside his friend on the couch.

 

“A few months. And it's not a she.” He takes a pause. Then a breath. “It's a guy.”

 

Jongin freezes. “Oh,”

 

That was unexpected. Head tilting to the side, his eyes study Sehun as though he's expecting him to morph into a total different person. He doesn't. He's still the same little boy Jongin met in high school. And for that, he's relieved.

 

“I hope you don't have a problem with that.” Sehun says, a hint of discomfort traced on his brow. Jongin is quick to unriddle him.

 

“Me? Of course not. I'm just a little surprised. I didn't know you were into dudes. But you know I'd never judge you, man. I'm happy for you.”

 

Sehun unbinds instantly, a relieved smile taking form on his lips. This mustn't be easy for him in any way more than he's letting on, Jongin concludes, observing him closely. 

 

“Thanks. And sorry, I should have told you sooner, I'm just being cautious about it, you know. Not many people can be accepting.” Sehun explains, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

 

“I'm your best friend. You can always count on me. Anytime. For anything.” Jongin assures him, with a light squeeze to his shoulder. 

 

“Anyway, who's the lucky one?”

 

There's an unfamiliar queasiness crawling up his spine, for he wants to know who is the one who’s captured Sehun's heart, the one who's going to fill the gaps a friend can't fill. Before anything else, he needs to make sure his best friend is in good hands. 

 

“It's a secret,” Sehun bites down his lip, containing a stupefied grin. “He's not out to anyone yet so he asked me to keep it a secret for the time being. I want to respect his pace and I know how tough all of this can be, so…”

 

“I see,”Jongin breathes, comprehensively. “I hope it goes well for you. When you guys are ready to be public you have to tell me first, alright?”

 

“Of course,” Sehun lets out a relieved sigh. His shoulders easing out the stress.“You're the best, Jongin.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Sehun has an annoying habit of wetting his lips with his tongue. He does it all the time when he's distracted, especially when they're at the library studying. For some reason, the gesture annoys Jongin to death. The slow drag of his tongue over his small lips, leaving them glistening with saliva. It's just disgusting. Only now Jongin can sort of accept it. Maybe he keeps unconsciously doing that because he's in the mood to suck his boyfriend’s cock. Maybe that's a thing the gays do when they're… thirsty.

 

There's a lot about Sehun that Jongin's been curious about ever since he came out. Like there's a huge part of him that Jongin doesn't know, and it just feels wrong, foreign. He's always known everything, every single detail about Sehun. 

 

On the other hand, Jongin doesn't want to sound like an ignorant prick constantly asking about gay sex. Sehun will eventually open up to him, he just needs time. 

 

“How are things with the mysterious guy going?” Jongin finds himself asking anyway, words rolling off his tongue before he can analyze them.

 

Sehun pins him with a side look, but responds mindlessly with a lift of his shoulder. “They're going okay.”

 

“So like… Are you a top or a bottom?” The question bursts through his lips without a warning. Sehun squints at him, teeth gnawing at the cap of his pen

 

“Uh? Why are you asking me this?”

 

Great question. Jongin doesn't know himself.

 

“It's just… although we're best friends we've never talked about it. I mean, you've never talked about it. Now that I know about your preferences I want you to feel comfortable talking about sex stuff with me. Besides, I want to make sure you're using protection.” He winces internally, realizing he's babbling.

 

In a sense, he felt a little resentful when he realized he wouldn't be partying with Sehun and enjoying his college life to the fullest like he had planned. It just sounds boring without a best friend by his side to share those memories. Sehun has someone else now to share different kinds of memories, and Jongin is happy for his friend, he really is, but he will admit one thing. He's feeling left out. 

 

Not to mention, the unwanted sense of misplace. Jongin's tended to brag about having more sexual experiences than Sehun, and now that the latter is in a committed relationship, Jongin is surely going to be outpaced.

 

There's only so much Sehun could do with his mysterious boyfriend. Jongin’s competitive spirit is tossing and turning inside of him.

 

“Okay, fine. I'm a bottom.” Sehun reveals. “But no need to worry, we're not doing butt stuff yet.”

 

Left aghast, Jongin remains still, mind being assaulted with several images he should not be visualizing his friend in.

 

“Why not?” He questions, suddenly too immersed in the topic. Sehun sighs, rakes a hand through his hair.

 

“We're… I'm a virgin.” He blushes, brow furrowing. “Please, don't laugh.”

 

Silence stretches between them. Laughing is the last thing poking in Jongin's mind. He feels… triumphant. He's lost track of how many girls he's fucked so far in this life. He wins.

 

“I will not,” He promises, keeping a straight face. “I'm impressed actually. How can an attractive guy like you be a virgin?”

 

“It's an option. Call me old fashioned or stupid, but I really want it to be special. I want to feel love and be loved.”

 

Sehun casts his eyes down to his book, fiddling with some pages. Reluctantly, Jongin's starting to consider that he might not really know Sehun as deeply as he thought.

 

“That's so sweet, Sehun” He whispers, nudging his shoulder against Sehun's.“Do you think this guy might the one?”

 

“I don't know yet. I hope so.”

 

The smile gracing his lips embodies exactly that. Hope. 

 

“But don't you think I'm a prude. I've done dirty stuff before. I stick things up my butt all the time when you're not home.” He adds nonchalantly, causing all the pure feelings fluttering in Jongin's stomach to churn and turn into something hot and numb.

 

Is that why his ass is so big? 

 

“Uh, dude. Please, I don't want to know.” Jongin scrunches his nose, indignantly. 

 

“You said I could talk.” Sehun counters, giggling. “Let me tell you how I've been told multiple times that I'm great at oral sex.”

 

“Dude,” Jongin cries, and God, does he regret lulling Sehun to talk.

  
  


  
  
  


Beneath the darkness of the loft in the early hours of the morning, Jongin clutches his glass of water against his chest and adjusts his vision to make out the figure slumped against a corner. Curled up in a ball, hugging his knees to his chest, the figure is bouncing and weeping. Gawking, Jongin hushes to crouch next to him, apprehensively.

 

“Sehun? Dude you scared the heck out of me!”

 

“Sorry. I want to be in the dark. Alone. Rotting.” Sehun slurs, sniffing. He's holding a bottle soju in one hand. Jongin can kind of figure what this is about.

 

“Are you crying? What's wrong?” He questions therefore. “Hey, talk to me.” He offers his shoulder after Sehun doesn't bother uttering explanations. Desolate, Sehun drops his head on it, staining Jongin's shirt with the tears he's shedding uncontrollably. 

 

Unwanted tears start welling up in the corners of Jongin's eyes too, for he hates seeing his best friend crying. 

 

“He broke up with me. He dumped me.” He sobs out, rubbing his cheek against Jongin's shoulder like a helpless little kitty.

 

“Sehun, I'm so sorry.” Jongin rubs tenderly up and down Sehun's back, his own throat tightening. “Sorry, but I saw this coming. He didn't want to assume you, I could kind of call it.”

 

Sehun lets out some mixture of a sob and a snort, scrubbing at his nose with the reel of his hand. Deep down, Jongin's gut is alarming him that Sehun isn't crying just for that reason alone. There's more to it he's not saying, but Jongin won't pry nonetheless.

 

“Tell me about it. And I was fooling myself into thinking he could be the one.” Sehun says, voice cracking. “He only wanted my ass, like I'm some sort of prize or something.”

 

Jongin's heart is swelling along with Sehun's, as if they're sharing one within them, and a fraction of Jongin's brain is blaming himself for this. The moment Sehun told him about this guy’s intentions he could predict it. He should have warned him. Sehun's too good for such a mean heartbreak.

 

“But it's fine. That's all these guys want. They only want sex with the gay boy so they can brag about it like we’re some sort of toy. That's why I'm careful, Jongin. That's why I'm waiting for the one. That's why I want love. I don't want to be used. I'm scared of having my heart broken.” Sehun continues, his sobs evening out as he speaks, the faltering of his voice lessening.

 

“It's okay, Sehun. You're doing great. Give it time. You'll find someone. He'll love you so much. You deserve it.”

 

“My chances of finding a decent guy who would want to stay with me through thick and thin are limited. Like a lot.”

 

“So what? There’s plenty of queer people around.”

 

“But I don't love them.” Sehun snarls, obnoxiously. He pulls away from Jongin, and even hidden in the darkness, Jongin can see the sulking he's definitely sporting right now.

 

“You will. With time.” Jongin persists, calmly.

 

“I will not.”

 

Jongin sighs, turning to face Sehun. “Why?”

 

Sehun responds with silence, keeping his sorrow muted. He's stubborn and impatient, but Jongin's knows that all he needs is time to accept that some things happen for a reason, and the right ones come out at their right time.

 

“Do you love the mysterious guy?”

 

Sehun downs another gulp of soju, groaning when he gathers that the bottle is now empty, so he tosses it aside.

 

“Never did, actually. Not for real. But I tried. I did my best. Maybe I deserved to be dumped after all.”

 

“No, don't say that.” Jongin says, lifting a hand to Sehun's face to brush away the displeasing tears. He needs him to hear what he has to say, he needs to make Sehun realize he deserves better than this. “Sehun, you are amazing. You are beautiful. The person who gets to be loved by you will the luckiest person in the world.”

 

Sehun stays still and silent, his hand covering Jongin's one cupping the side of his face, keeping it there, as though he needs that reassuring touch. Jongin's giving it to him willingly.

 

“You're caring and sweet. You have such an unique sense of humour. You're tall and hot and smart. You're perfect.” Jongin keeps going, keeps citing all the wonderful things he sees him in Sehun, restlessly. Until he feels Sehun's breath ghosting over his cheek, and he doesn't even know when he inched so close, but he's there, knees brushing against Jongin's thigh, exchanging the same stuffy air as him in the narrow space between their faces. 

 

He can't see his face clearly, but Jongin knows exactly where his little scar stands, that the crease between his eyebrows is deep and unwelcomed. His thumb slides down the sharp line of his jaw, and he presses firmly against the spot on the side of his neck where he knows exactly is dotted with Sehun's birthmark, where it tickles him. 

 

Sehun's breath hitches, and he squirms lightly at the ticklish touch. Jongin can't see him under the darkness, and he blames it on this tiny fact to thoughtlessly lean in and press his lips against Sehun's small ones. It’s light and innocent. Jongin's hasn't kissed anyone like this ever since he was 13 and naive. But this is how he wants to kiss Sehun, this is how Sehun should be kissed. With care.

 

“What are you doing?” Sehun rasps when they pull apart, cheeks still pressed against each other.

 

“I don't know,” Jongin responds, truthfully. He doesn't and little does he care. “I'm consoling you. I don't want to see you crying.”

 

That seems to be reasonable for Sehun, taking in consideration the way he grabs Jongin's face and puts a steadying hand on his shoulder, before leaning in and touching their mouths together, again.

 

Fingertips press into his skin and when he opens his mouth in response, Sehun slips his tongue inside, never one to let an opportunity go to waste. They break the kiss after a beat, and Jongin feels delirious, heart thundering inside his chest like it's about to combust should Sehun keep touching him.

 

“This… is this okay?” He asks dubiously, because he can't see the expression on Sehun's face. All his holding on to is the way Sehun's hands are roaming all over him, feeling up every inch, like he might just merge into the shadows.

 

“Friends kiss, I guess.” Sehun mutters, and that's all it takes for them to go at it again, slouching their mouths together and tilting their heads in opposite sides, fitting perfectly, soothingly, tongues sliding wetly against each other. Although Sehun tastes and reeks of alcohol, Jongin is still basking in this kiss. Their first, Jongin's first with another boy. 

 

But it's his best friend. Nothing much to mull over. It's just a convenience to put a stop to his misery. Jongin's an amazing, dependable friend.

 

“No, stop.” Sehun grouses, suddenly pulling back. “I am not mad. I just broke up with my boyfriend, and I know that's not what you like. You don't have to do this so I can feel better. I don't want things to be awkward between us.”

 

Skin tingling, air knocked out of his lungs, Jongin blinks, disordered. “It won't be.”

 

“We're just drunk. Fuck. I’m so drunk.” Sehun spits, running both hands through his hair, exhaling deeply. Jongin shouldn't be making out with his friend when he's out of his sobriety, it's not consentive. It's wrong. 

 

“I'm going to sleep.” Sehun blurts, weakly pushing himself up and stumbling towards his room, toppling over his feet, abandoning Jongin with nothing but puzzlement echoing in his mind.

 

Sehun's drunk. Jongin isn't. 

 

He probably won't remember any of this fiasco in the morning, so it's better if Jongin keeps it locked inside himself, sitting heavily in his heart, his little secret he ought to take to his coffin.

 

For as long as he lives, Jongin thinks that secret moment will reside within him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The last time Jongin merely touched a girl was two weeks ago. At this point, he's dolorously cursing whoever deceived him, saying that his sexual life would be the most active during college time. Lies. The only action he's getting is from his books.

 

He tried contacting all of his booty calls on kakaotalk, but as a joke from the universe, all of them ended up being somehow unavailable. Fidgety, he shoves a hand down his trousers, just to give his dick a little pat and tell it to hang on for a little longer.

 

In attempt to divert his dirty thoughts and insatiable needs to something less unbearable, Jongin pads over to Sehun's room. Maybe playing video games can distract himself enough to kill his blue balls. 

 

He knocks on the door a couple of times to no avail. Scowling, he can hear and feel Sehun inside, the other is humming a song or something of the likes, probably too distracted by whatever he's doing in there. The door is open anyway, Jongin notices after testing the knob. He barges in unnoticed, carelessly and what he comes across is not exactly the stress relief he was after.

 

Sehun is sprawled on his bed, lazily and naked. Legs spread and hips rolling, cock slipping in and out of his fist as his eyes are screwed shut and his mouth is hanging open, panting, moaning. 

 

Stupefied, Jongin takes a few long seconds staring, petrified. His own cock twitching inside his pants. He knows he should leave, pretend this little accident never occurred before Sehun notices his lurking presence. However, he can't. His limbs just won't move, and his mouth won't stop watering. 

 

Bound to happen, Sehun's eyes flutter open and he jolts in shock and shame, hurriedly covering his nakedness with a blanket. 

 

“Sorry!” Jongin yelps, turning around. “Sorry, bro. I should have knocked.” His face is heating up, mortified.

 

“Jongin,” Sehun whines, and it sounds more like a plea than anything, like he would sound if he was begging for something else. 

 

Jongin's mind is betraying him.

 

“Sorry, I was just-- I just wanted” He stammers. “You know what, whatever. I'm sorry I interrupted.”

 

There's a buzzing in his ears and a fluttering in his stomach. This is so awkward, so unpleasant. Sehun isn't saying anything, he isn't moving either. He’s probably drop dead and Jongin is close to follow.

 

“Please, finish your business. I'm out.”

 

Jongin stumbles back to the living room, with quivering legs and jagged thoughts. Every time he closes his eye, he sees glimpses of his friend in that… state. He turns on the television, hoping that the gruesome movie playing upon his eyes will push those thoughts and images away from his mind.

 

He covers his lap, and the obvious tent on his bulge with a pillow and takes deep breaths. He's considering, but he can not surrender and jerk off to the thoughts of his best friend.

 

As if conspiring against him, Sehun shows up in the doorway, approaches him quietly and gently, albeit the raw tension he's also bringing with him. Out if the corner of his eyes, Jongin notices how Sehun's hips sway from side to side as he walks. Has he always walked in such a flamboyant manner or is Jongin only picking this up now?

 

“Listen-” Jongin starts, steadily, but Sehun cuts him short with a wave of his hand.

 

“It's fine. We live together so it was bound to happen. No need to feel embarrassed about it.” He says curtly, taking a seat on the couch next to him.

 

Instinctively, Jongin scoots away to the other end of the sofa, pressing the pillow further into his lap. Obtusely, Sehun sinks into his seat, sighing and resting his head against the headset, neck strained a bit. Jongin watches the movement of his Adam Apple bouncing as he swallows, and since when is his neck so long and thick?

 

“So did you finish?” Jongin attempts, breaking the awkward silence. It's never been awkward between them before. Maybe it is now only for Jongin. 

 

“No,” Sehun answers, bluntly. “I have trouble finishing by myself.”

 

“What? You don't know how to masturbate or something?”

 

Sehun pins him with a side look of judgment, then he rolls his eyes stoically, like he can't quite stand Jongin's cluelessness.

 

“It's not that, dumbass. I'm pretty touch deprived. And it takes too long for me to come on my own. Most times I just give up on it. It's easier for me if I have someone.”

 

“This sucks,” Jongin breathes, in lack of a better statement. 

 

“No shit.”

 

Silence stretches once more, and this times it is clouded with something else, something thicker and suffocating. He thinks Sehun feels it to, by the way he shifts nervously on his side of the couch, his hard on still evident underneath the thin fabric of his sweats. 

 

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks once Sehun shifts around for the third time, seeking for a comfortable position in the cruel state he's in.

 

“Will be in a second. Are you?”

 

“I'm-- I saw you. And I haven't gotten laid in weeks, so… I'm a little worked up, to be honest.”

 

_ What is he even saying? _

 

“I'm so sorry.” Sehun mutters, eyes raking down Jongin's body, narrowing when he spots the pillow laying futilely over his lap.

 

Neither of them move, they just stare. Intentions so crystal clear, waiting for the slight nudge to burst through.

 

“No, I mean… maybe we should… help each other out?” Jongin suggests at last, too carried away to even process his words, his insinuations. 

 

He supposes nothing can be harmful in it. 

 

Sehun runs his tongue along his lips, thoughtfully. Jongin considers backpedaling on the impulsive suggestion, they could always get off by themselves, in different rooms. But then Sehun is scooting closer, slowly, resembling a cat. “What do you mean?”

 

“You're horny. I'm horny. We're lonely. We're alone.” Jongin shrugs, eyes now trained on Sehun's lips, sitting so close to him.

 

“What do you want me to do?”

 

“I'm-- I don't know. Anything, really.” Too much, Jongin wants too much. He wants everything. He just can't tell him.

 

“Tell me.” Sehun persists, hands reaching.

 

“You could… suck me?”

 

Sehun lifts an eyebrow, bewitched. “I can do that.” He snatches the pillow away from Jongin, tosses it aside, and Jongin sucks in a breath. This is happening. 

 

Graciously, Sehun flops down to his knees on the floor, in between Jongin's parted legs. 

 

“Ever been sucked by a guy before?” Sehun asks, amusedly, hands resting on top of Jongin's thighs.

 

Jongin says inaudibly. “You know the answer.”

 

They fall into a trance of stares once again, as realization seeps through both of them. Sehun's right there, knelt down for him, smacking his lips, enthralled.

 

“This is okay, right? No strings attached?” He questions, tugging lightly at the fabric of Jongin's trousers he's never bothered to change ever since he got home from classes.

 

“Just casual sexual activities.” He says, and there's no way back from it now.

 

Sehun reaches out for him, brings his hands to his waist and hooks his thumbs into the belt loops of Jongin’s pants. Pulls him closer. The gleam in his eyes is accentuated by the dimmed bedroom lights, shadows splaying over one side of his face. 

 

Jongin's mouth is drier than the desert, parched for a kiss, a taste, and Jongin reflexively rakes his teeth over his lower lip.   
  


He tips his head back, exposing the column of his throat and a hint of collarbone. Sehun settles his hands over Jongin's thighs, nudging them apart, all the while staring into Jongin's eyes, searching for the reactions he intends to gauge from him.

 

When Sehun tugs the button-up free from his pants and slides his hands over his bare flanks, Jongin can’t suppress a curt, guttural groan.   
  
His hands start to shake a bit and. He’s frighteningly nervous about this.   
  
“Pants off,” Sehun demands then. Authority colors his tone of voice and Jongin stammers dumbly.    
  
Hands come down to rest on Jongin’s hips and he positively leers, when he suggests, “Unless you want me to pull them off for you?”   
  
Sucking in breath between clenched teeth, Jongin straightens and unbuckles his belt. Meanwhile Sehun leans back and tilts his head to watch him undress. Jongin lets out a shuddery exhale when those warm hands leave his body. Sehun watches attentively how he opens the brass button of his pants and unzips, sitting there with his belt and pants open, the blue fabric of his boxer-shorts in full sight. He slowly shimmies out of his pants, feeling clumsy and graceless one step at a time.

 

He's never felt like this before. Jongin's always confident. In his body, in his experiences. He's used to be the one seeing others, girls for that matter, losing their cool in front of him, because of him. Being on the other end of it feels like a weird mixture of frustration and excitement.   
  
Sehun smiles that angelic smile of his and before Jongin can react, he’s up on him again, nosing along the outline of Jongin’s cock. “I’m going to suck you off,” Sehun promises, looking up at him, cheek against his thigh, breath hot against Jongin’s crotch.   
  
“Fuck,” Jongin answers back unintelligibly, hauling a hand through his long bangs covering that spectacular view. “Fuck… Shit, you can’t just say things like that…” His sentence comes to a stammering halt when Sehun kisses his dick open-mouthed, tongue insistent and warm and wet through the thin fabric of his underwear.   
  
Fingers tug at the elastic waistband of his boxer-shorts, and every inch of bare skin that appears along the nook of his thigh gets licked and nipped at. His cock bobs free from his underwear and sags slanted across his pubic bone, half-hard already. Jongin brings a hand to his mouth when Sehun tongues along the length of his shaft, soft lips brushing against hypersensitive skin.   
  
“Holy shit,” he whispers hotly against the palm of his hand, bucking up against Sehun’s face despite himself.    
  
Jongin’s looking down on Sehun giving him head, but he can scarcely believe any of this is happening.    
  
Sehun opens his mouth and slides it down over Jongin’s cock, savoring him slowly. Inch by inch. Until his nose is buried in Jongin’s pubes. He puts one hand on Jongin’s right hip, thumbing over the bone there, ever so tenderly. His soft, black hair tickles against Jongin’s thigh.   
  
For a moment Jongin thinks he forgot how to breathe and feels his face heat up. His gaze flits from Sehun to anywhere else in the room. Because it's too much, is too obscene, seeing his best friend swallowing his cock like he's wanted that more than anything expected. 

 

It's too much, because it feels too right, too perfect. It feels like his cock belongs in that mouth, and Jongin's entire priorities are slipping out of fingers and he's letting them go without a fight.

 

Inevitably, his eyes fall back on Sehun.   
  
In the dead quiet of the room, the soft sounds of his best friend sucking him off reverberate obscenely loud between his own two ears.   
  
“Sehun,” Jongin hisses hotly against the palm of his hand when he hollows his cheeks and sucks him deep, his cockhead nudging against the back of Sehun’s throat. “Fuck, please, fuck, fuck, fuck—” and his litany of fucks is broken off abruptly when Sehun lets up and wraps a loose fist around Jongin’s cock.   
  
With half-hooded eyes, he looks up at Jongin while deftly stuffing his own hand inside his pants.    
  
He nudges Jongin’s glistening cockhead with his lips and slips his hand down his own designer boxer-briefs. His mouth gleams wetly in the dimmed bedroom lights. Jongin groans at the sight, screws his eyes shut for a moment and bucks falteringly into Sehun’s hand, against Sehun’s mouth. His body’s tense, his cock hard and leaking precum, and the muscles in his legs drawn taut as he rocks weakly on the balls of his feet.   
  
Pinned down by his gaze, Jongin watches flustered how Sehun takes the head of his cock back into his mouth. Breath rushes out of his nostrils, caught between the palm of his hand and his face.   
  
He feels like they’re shooting a porno. The thought that Sehun’s jacking himself off with Jongin’s cock in his mouth is almost enough to get him tumbling over the edge. But just when his balls clench and his thighs start to tremble, Sehun promptly stops and pulls off, slowly dragging Jongin’s button-up over his abdomen, his stomach and ribs, and nipping at the newly-exposed skin.   
  
His cock bobs haplessly against his lower belly.   
  
Jongin makes a low, keening sound at the loss of Sehun’s hot mouth. “I almost…” He says as he puts both hands on Sehun’s shoulders, not knowing whether he should shove him back down to finish the job or grab him tight and draw him into a searing kiss.   
  
“Shit, I’m so close, so close you... ” he babbles breathlessly.   
  
“I know,” Sehun responds in a throaty, smoked-through voice.

 

He hauls his hand out of his underwear, and together with his pants, pushes them down to his ankles in one-go and kicks them away.

 

Jongin’s eyes are drawn to Sehun’s cock almost immediately. Long, and thick with an upwards curve, already drooling precum at the tip.   
  
He swallows haplessly, a curt dry click that echoes around his skull. His fingers clench into Sehun’s shirt.   
  
“Shirt off,” he orders, bringing a hand to the hinge of Jongin’s jaw, looking him straight in the eye. His pupils are dilated, gobbling up the dark color of his irises, indistinguishable.

 

“I’m not done with you yet,” Sehun punctuates the last part of his sentence by stroking Jongin’s cock once, twice, grinding the heel of his palm over the swollen head.

 

Watching Sehun unbutton his own shirt with deft fingers, makes Jongin somewhat self-conscious about his own fumbling. He shrugs off his button-up as fast as his dazed  mind can allow him.

 

Every movement makes him uncomfortably aware of how his hard-on bobs against his abdomen.   
  
Sehun slowly tugs the sleeve off his right shoulder and discards his dress shirt onto the floor with a nonchalant gesture, looking every inch the supermodel. “Spread your legs.” And when Jongin doesn’t comply fast enough, he adds with a switchblade smile, “Spread them wider, honey.”

 

The room lights add a warm, golden glow to his black hair and the outline of his strong shoulders There’s something effortlessly graceful about the way Sehun moves. He crawls over with the ease of a big, lazy cat and kneels between Jongin’s legs.   
  
They make eye-contact again and Jongin knows there’s a deep red blush high on his cheeks. The palm of Sehun’s hand feels impossibly warm on his kneecap, even warmer sliding down the expanse of his leg to the crook of his thigh. His stomach clenches in anticipation of the orgasm he’s on the cusp of having, if only Sehun would fucking touch him again.

 

Jongin's cheeks flush red at the thought and he catches Sehun's eye for a moment before dropping his head back against the couch.   
  
When Sehun wraps his lips around the tip of Jongin’s cock, Jongin’s jaw go slack and a low groan leaves his lips.

 

This is by far the best blowjobs he's ever received. And here he pathetically thought Sehun was an innocent virgin with zero knowledge. He's more expert than any girl that's ever come close to Jongin's dick. He knows when to keep his teeth stray, doesn't hesitate to have a taste of his testicles, and measuring his ministrations precisely without hurting his sensitive spots.

 

Sehun's a pro.

 

When he feels the pinch of Sehun's fingers against his thigh, his attention shoots back down to the boy in front of him and he gives Sehun's hair a soft tug. 

 

The tug at his hair pulls a moan from Sehun, the sound vibrating around Jongin’s cock as he takes more of him into his mouth, relaxing around him so that he hardly gagged when Jongin hits the back of his throat. Sehun's  fingers dig into Jongin’s thighs, in a way that Jongin thinks might leave small bruises or at least imprints from Sehun's short fingernails, but either way he can’t bring himself to mind about anything except the warmth of Sehun's  mouth around him.   
  
Sehun swallows around Jongin, lifting his head up just slightly and dropping his mouth down again, finding a steady rhythm that lets Jongin’s cock hit his throat with almost every bob of his head. Jongin is really fond of the fact that like everything else Sehun does, always so passionate, giving everything in him.   
  
Jongin twists his fingers in Sehun's hair, tugging on it gently and letting out a soft breath before speaking roughly, “Gonna come, Sehunnie.” His voice is almost a whimper as his back arches slightly and he feels a familiar tightness through his stomach. He opens his eyes to focus on Sehun, making sure that Sehun heard him and that he has an opportunity to pull away if that’s what he wants to do.

 

Most girls always pull away. When they don't, they choke and cry and complain.   
  
Sehun opens his eyes and meets Jongin’s for a split second before fluttering them close again and continuing, swallowing around Jongin and continuing to bob his head, the only way he really has to tell Jongin that he isn’t planning on pulling off.   
  
Jongin closes his eyes again and slips his other hand into Sehun's hair, both of his hands curling at the sides of Sehun's head as he tenses and let out a low moan, jerking his hips up just slightly as he comes, relaxing down against the couch just a few moments later.   
  
When Sehun finally pulls off, it’s with a pop and a swallow, his fingers moving to pull Jongin’s pants back up over him before he sits back and rubs over his mouth with the back of his hand. 

 

“Better? You should get some sleep.” Sehun says, his voice warm and wrecked, something Jongin didn’t know would be so attractive.

 

“What about you? Did you--?”

 

Worrying at his lip, Sehun glances down at his neglected erection, still looking disturbingly deprived. He lets out a timid whine, hanging his head low as though he's unaware of what to do next.

 

Jongin leans down and pulls him up by the arms, pushing him down to straddle his lap. Sehun complies easily with a gasp, hands grasping at Jongin's shoulders for leverage.

 

“Show me how you do it. I want to watch you.” Jongin urges, placing gentle hands on each of Sehun's toned, milky thighs. Initially, Sehun looks hesitant, eyes not really meeting Jongin's. Until he starts rubbing soothing circles against Sehun's thighs, indulging him, and soon Sehun tunes back to the task and wraps a hand around his cock.

 

He hisses at the contact, nails digging into Jongin's shoulder as a reaction to the sensations he's eliciting from himself. Tempted, Jongin stares at the man straddling him. Sehun's bigger than he is, in every aspect, he notices. Long gone is the skinny, small boy Jongin met in high school. Sehun is a man now, he's big and heavy and broad and rigid. His chest is heaving and flushed, his sweaty hair matted against his forehead.

 

Jongin's used to having small and fragile girls in his arms, where he always controlled, commanded. But with Sehun, it's the other way around. And it’s dumbfounding, in a way that never came to be before.

 

He wants to touch him, touch his cock and make him feel good, in reward from how Sehun made him feel good.

 

He doesn't, though. Jongin's never touched another man's cock before, so his integral side denies that thought. So he just watches as Sehun braces himself with one hand on Jongin's knee, back arching, and the other pumps his leaking member hard and fast.

 

“Keep going, baby. Let me see you come.” Jongin coos, and Sehun throws his head back, lips parting in a guttural moan. He comes with a chant of Jongin's name, his abs clenching with every spurt of hot liquid sperm over his fist.

 

It's beautiful and breathtaking. Jongin's sure his soul just left his body, left him flooding in a pool of lust and Sehun. All around him.

 

“Thank you,” Sehun croaks out, listless body slumping against Jongin's chest. They remain like this, tangled in each other, as the daze vanishes to nothingness, and the night falls upon the two of them without a care in the world, regardless of the boundary that was just broken between them.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongin's eyes flicker open slowly, parting from his deep slumber. Warm and sated from the one he's bedded with, pressed skin to skin into his chest, a safe hand secured around Sehun's middle. Sehun's probably still asleep, if his laboured breathing is anything to go by. Jongin, for that matter, instantly feels completely awaken. So does his cock, stirring against the other’s behind. 

 

The bed, the sheets, the room, are all impregnated with Sehun's sweet scent, impregnated in Jongin's own skin even, and he thinks that scent matches him, belongs to him just as must as it belongs to Sehun. Thoughtlessly, Jongin plants a light kiss at Sehun's nape, and the younger one shivers slightly. 

 

He's awake.

 

“Good morning,” Jongin says, voice thundering deeper than usual.

 

“Morning,” Sehun whispers, too shyly. He shuffles around lazily, until he's facing Jongin. A moment stretches silently while they just stare each other, neither entirely sure where to go next. 

 

It's all kinds of unfair that Sehun looks this beautiful even in the morning, as the sun rays peek through the window and cascade down his milky skin, and rosy cheeks. His black hair falling silkily over his eyes.

 

“Any plans for today?” Sehun asks, and Jongin traces with his eyes the movements of his small reddish lips as he speaks.

 

“No,” He rasps. “Just want to stay in.”

 

Sehun nods, as though he's agreeing to some unspoken plans.

 

It's Sunday morning, the weekend is passing in the blink of an eye as they've been getting each other off continuously. Ever since their first adventure on the couch, they couldn't let go of each other. Couldn't stop fooling around. In the afternoon, Sehun sneaked under the table and sucked Jongin to a mind blowing orgasm while he vainly tried to study for his finals. 

 

In the evening, they shared a shower together, and Sehun teased a finger around his virgin asshole until he came, Jongin following right after, spluttering all over Sehun's perky ass. They cleaned and rinsed each other with giggles and light touches under the stream of warm water, and not even for a second they dwelled on it.

 

Jongin wishes it could last forever. Those moments, this peacefulness that belongs to just the two of them.

 

Unconsciously, he reaches in and curls a hand around the side of Sehun's face, caressing the smoothness of his skin. 

 

They don't kiss. Not after that unspeakable first time that has long faded from Sehun's mind. But right at that moment, Jongin's lips are tingling as he stares intently at Sehun's. Instead, he throws a leg over Sehun's hips and straddles him, pressing their crotches together. Sehun gasps, eyes widening in bewilderment when he feels Jongin's just as aroused as he is.

 

Jongin hovers over him, hands grasping the sheets at the sides of Sehun's face. He grins smugly when Sehun clutches his own hands at Jongin's sides, underneath his shirt, nails scraping ghostly at his abs.

 

“I wanna play with your cock,” Sehun says, cheeks blushing so adorably.

 

“I have a better idea.” Jongin rolls his hips down, languishly. “Let's try something new.” He suggests, repeating the slow movement of his hips.

 

“Oh, fuck.” Sehun bites out, due the alignment of their hips and how Jongin dips his head to latch his lips on the column of Sehun's neck, groaning into it as he sucks deeply into the skin. 

 

Now grinding against Sehun in slow, maddening circles, Jongin pulls away from the neck to take in Sehun's face, who has his jaw slack and lips parted, his pupils visibly dilated. He's so close, his mouth is so close, glistening and inviting, and Jongin's self control is tumbling out of its confines.

 

Then Sehun throws his head back, which pretty much negates Jongin's courage, so Instead, he focuses on the shifting of his pelvis, resulting in the perfect angle to nudge and rub against Sehun's heavy bulge, straining under the thin layer of fabric separating them.

 

Sehun's making delicious little noises each time their hard cocks rub up against each other, and Jongin feels like he's burning, like he's swimming in lava sculpted as the one lying under him. And he can't touch, he never touches. Too scared he might be incinerated by his touch.

 

Suddenly, Jongin stops moving. He makes a frustrated sound, and climbs off Sehun, sitting back on his haunches.

 

“What?” Sehun breathes, furrowing. “Please.” He watches with astonishment as Jongin dips his fingers into the waistband of his sweats, and slowly drags it down halfway his thighs, his swollen cock springing free and bouncing. Sehun gulps, shivers, whines. All at once. His hand excitedly reaches out towards him, but Jongin is quick to shove him back down by the chest. Then he tugs at Sehun's sweatpants to, pulling them down his legs in one quick motion. 

 

Sehun's legs are impossibly long, just like the rest of himself, his cock included. Jongin stares, not realizing he's breathing is coming unevenly, his jaw flexing with want for the cock that lays neglected in from of him. As though consenting, Sehun spreads his legs wide and rolls his hips sensually, showing himself off. Jongin grunts, soon draping himself over his best friend and realigning their dicks together. They moan in unison,   tingling pleasure spreading out from their groin as Jongin begins to thrust, ever so slowly, against him. There's nothing separating them anymore as he rocks his hips back and forth, sliding them teasingly against one another.   
  
Jongin groans, panting moist breath against Sehun's cheek. They rest their foreheads together, noses brushing and hot air passing between their slack, open mouths. Sehun's hands grip at Jongin's toned biceps, fingers flexing and relaxing with each lazy thrust.

 

All of this, the movements, the sounds, feel incredibly close to what would really feel like if he fucked Sehun, penetrating him with his own cock and pound incessantly until the other forgot his own name. Still, it’s not enough, it’s not real. It's just a wishful thinking, because Jongin doesn't know where they stand anymore, where they should proceed.

 

But right now they have this, and he's going to make the most of this moment, of this body rocking against his.   
  
Sehun shifts slightly, changing the angle wonderfully, and it’s hot and slippery with pre-come and every other thrust rubs up right against that perfect spot under the head and both of them moan louder, pace increasing.   
  


Sehun looks up from Jongin's heaving chest to his eyes, unfocused and fluttering shut every few seconds, and can't help but smile.   
  
"Feels so good," he gasps when Jongin hits the sensitive spot again, and all the warmth rises, up into his chest, spreading outward with each steady slide of skin on skin.   
  
"Come for me," Jongin pleads, feeling the younger’s face against his, tense and relaxing in quick intervals, his eyes now screwed shut.

 

“Touch me. Need you to touch me.” Sehun mewls, sliding his hands up Jongin's arms to encircle his back. 

 

Rashly, Jongin sneaks his hand between them and grasps the heads of both their cocks, squeezing them into his fist. Sehun trembles harshly, as Jongin's strokes them fast and firm, taking a peek downwards between their bodies. The image of their cocks sliding in and out of his palm, slick and throbbing, is enough motivation for Jongin to brace himself in one arm and keep going. 

 

One, two more thrusts and suddenly Jongin is too big for his body, everything bursting inside, his stomach tenses almost painfully and he doubles forward as he comes with a moan, over his own fist and Sehun's shirt, all tension seeping out of his body in the process.

 

His head is too full of static to register much else, but when he collides against Sehun's body and feels the wet warmth clinging to both of their shirts, he deduces Sehun came as well, with him. Taking a peek, he meets Sehun's blessed out expression, sated, complete. 

 

He touched Sehun for the first time. The very first time he ever touched another man's cock. And it felt.. good, and right and addicting. And maybe it's just because it's Sehun, his best friend he trusts so much and is so fond of. All he knows right now is that he wants to touch him again and kiss him and-

 

“Are we going to the party later?” Sehun blurts, pulling a face at the stickiness in their bodies.

 

“Yeah, sure.” Jongin responds after clearing his throat. He had completely forgotten about the party. About everything.

 

“Fine. Then get off me. I want to clean up.”

 

Heart tightening, Jongin rolls off and stares at the ceiling, unable to look at Sehun as he leaves the bed, taking the warmth with him, leaving behind only Jongin's anguish thoughts.

  
  
  
  
  
  


The trimmed grass that stretches along the vast lawn feels soft under Jongin's body, sprawled cozily on the green natural carpet, Sehun snuggled close by his side. With the music thrumming muffled from inside the house, the room too stuffy and clouded with cigarette smoke and reeking of alcohol, Sehun protested he needed fresh air. Outside is warm, and quieter and the air is clean, sky bathed with twinkling stars.

 

One of Jongin's hands is tucked inside the backside pocket of Sehun's jeans, fingers flickering soothingly over the curve of his ass, as the younger rests his head on Jongin's shoulder, one arm draped over his middle. It's adorable how Sehun makes himself shrink smaller when they cuddle. It makes Jongin want to cocoon him from the world outside.

 

“I'll go get us a drink, okay?” Jongin tells him, placing a kiss on the top of his black hair. They've been out here for quite some time, lazing around and not really talking about anything. 

 

It's comfortable. Like home. 

 

Either way, he notices Sehun continuously clearing his throat and wetting his lips in discomfort. He ambles through the crowded house, dodging all the bodies that are grinding drunkenly to the music. Luckily, he reaches the kitchen in record time and intact, and is soon greeted with a plastic cup filled with beer shoved into his hands.

 

“What's up, man. Congratulations!” Baekhyun booms over the music, a magnificent grin adorning his lips. 

 

Jongin furrows. “Uh, what for?”

 

“You and Sehun. Finally!” Baekhyun soars a sharp slap against his arm, and Jongin stumbles forward slightly, spilling some of the drink on the floor. 

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Everybody is talking about it. Ever since you two came in.” Baekhyun clarifies, roaring amusedly.  “It was only a matter of time, you know? All the chicks are either excited or heartbroken. The two of you are the hottest dudes in the history of this college.”

 

“Wait, we are not-- Me and Sehun aren't together. Not like that.” Jongin sneers nervously. 

 

They're not together. They're just friends. Everything else they've been doing are restricted to their eyes and home only. 

 

“Are you shitting me? It's so obvious.” Baekhyun groans, slinging a friendly arm around Jongin's shoulder to pull him closer. He's shorter, making Jongin bend awkwardly to be leveled head to head with him. 

 

“Well, not me. I like girls only.” Jongin retorts, distastefully. He doesn't know why he's feeling so defensive of his sexuality all of a sudden. 

 

“Dude, calm down. It's Sehun. Everyone's a little gay for him. Hell, I wish I could date him. So does my girlfriend.” Quips Baekhyun, a little indifferent by Jongin's unnecessary offense.

 

“No! I am straight. Heterosexual. I like boobs and pussy. I would never date a guy, please.” He states vehemently, loud and clear, and Baekhyun pales, eyes enlarging. Jongin stares at him inquisitively. What's so wrong about what he just said when he’s simply stating facts about himself everyone should know.

 

“Errm… he's…” Baekhyun falters, head tilting sideways. Puzzled, Jongin turns and sees Sehun standing rooted by the door, void of expression.

 

Shame and regret hit him all of a sudden from all sides, strangling him so viciously Jongin feels his heart actually stopping beating. 

 

“Sehun,” He shouts fruitlessly when Sehun turns and dashes off. “Wait!”

 

Crestfallen, he runs after Sehun, pushing people hastily out of his way. He fucked up. Badly. And he knows that. 

 

As he loses sight of Sehun in the crowd, he realizes he might also have lost him completely.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Sehun is not home. Their flat is empty and dark, much like Jongin's heart. Angered, he kicks at a chair and barely registers the searing pain that runs up his leg. 

 

_ I'm scared of a heartbreak. _

 

Sehun's words rings menacingly in his mind. He's pretty sure he just broke Sehun's heart with his shallow and unmeasured words. Friends can break hearts too, and ironically, Jongin, the one who voted to care and shelter Sehun from any pain was the one who crushed his heart.

 

In retaliation, Jongin's own heart shattered as punishment at the exact moment he uttered those lies. He didn't even sound like himself, he sounded like a stranger. A villain. Keeping the lights off, Jongin fishes out his phone, dialing Sehun's name in exasperation. 

 

As the call rings, Jongin's heart flips. He doesn't know what to say once Sehun picks up. Begging for forgiveness just doesn't seem enough nor accurate. 

 

He wants to tell him something more meaningful. The truth that's been sticking to the tip of his tongue, too hesitant.

 

“Hello,” A feminine voice responds on the other side of the line. Jongin frowns.

 

“Who's this?”

 

“It's Lisa.”

 

He exhales in relief, running trembling fingers through his hair. Lisa is one of Sehun's friends that has never spared him a glance and ignored all his flirtings. And that alone indicates she's smart.

 

“Where's Sehun? Why do you have his phone?”

 

“I kidnapped him.” She deadpans, tone sullen “Obviously, he came to me. Crying. Because of you.” She sounds so bitter, so disappointed.

 

“Let me talk to him.”

 

“He's in the shower.”

 

Jongin grits his teeth, swallows down his rage. “I'll call later, then.”

 

“No, please. Don't bother. I'll send him back tomorrow morning. Then you can talk to him and apologize.” Lisa demands, and Jongin hates how authoritative she sounds. She doesn't know anything, this is not her place. 

 

She doesn't know their story. Or maybe she does, he guesses. Jongin doesn't know how much Sehun's confided to her. He supposes that he hasn't been adequate to hear Sehun's sorrow anymore, when he's the one inflicting them. Lisa is just doing him a favour.

 

“Okay. Thank you.” He says resignedly. He can wait until tomorrow. When he's head and thoughts are clearer, when the shame is subsided. 

 

“Jongin,” Lisa calls right before Jongin disconnects the call.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Sehun's too good. He doesn't deserve any of this. So fix this.” She says, this time there's optimism in her voice. It's hope.

 

“I know. I will.” He promises, not only her but himself too. The line goes dead cutting off any other unspoken words. 

 

That night, Jongin doesn't sleep.

  
  
  
  
  


When Sehun finally arrives home the next morning, he walks right past Jongin, heading to his room wordlessly. His face is dull of expression, eyes trained diligently on the floor.

 

“Sehun, we need to talk.” Jongin calls, tagging along. Sehun keeps mum.

 

“I'm serious. You need to listen to me.” Jongin bites, shoving a fist against the door that goes near to slam against his face.

 

“Can you please look at me?”

 

Granting, Sehun halts his steps and turns slowly, eyes boring impassively on Jongin.

 

“I'm looking.” He informs, both hands on his hips.

 

All night, Jongin recited a worthy apology. All of them sounded meaningless, like a waste of time. He knew without a shadow of doubt Sehun deserved more than any half hearted words, more than what Jongin had to offer him.

 

It took him all night to figure out that he's scared for being in love with Sehun. His best friend. Should he realized sooner, their friendship and Sehun's feelings wouldn't be this harmed.

 

“I am sorry. I didn't mean any of that. I panicked. It's all happening too fast and… I fucked up. Please, forgive me.” He croaks out, dreading whatever reaction Sehun might bestow upon this situation.

 

All the outcomes that played in Jongin's head ended badly. There’s not a way that they can deflect this without pain and resentment resulting for each other. 

 

“I get it. You didn't lie, by the way. You do like boobs and pussy, right?” Sehun jabs, with a click of his tongue. Those words make Jongin wince, shamefully.

 

“Shit, please. I don't know why I even talked like that. That's not me. I'm so ashamed.”

 

“It's okay, Jongin. I shouldn't have let myself do all those things to you. I don't want to force you into something you're not just to please my needs.”

 

Scowling, Jongin takes a few steps nearer. This isn't how it's supposed to be. Sehun shouldn't let Jongin get away with what he did and trade their roles. Sehun was the victim of Jongin's senselessness, not the other way around.

 

“I did those things too, Sehun. That's not fair.”

 

“You barely touched me, though. You never kissed me.”

 

_ I did _ . He thinks back to that night none of them has ever mentioned again. While it slipped away from Sehun's mind, Jongin just overlooked it, scared. 

 

“Sehun, I--”

 

“We should stop. Doing all of that. Let's stop. There are girls out there lining up for a night with you. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you over some trivial thing.”

 

Everything stops in that moment. The ticking from the clock, Jongin's breathing, and his heartbeat altogether. Unfairly, that is the only way that their friendship can prevail.

 

If only Jongin had be more careful and less of a coward. 

 

“I don't want to lose you either.” He settles for muttering.

 

“Let's forget all of that, okay? Before it becomes a bigger gossip than it already is. I don't want it to be awkward between us.” Sehun offers, like it's the easiest thing to accomplish. Maybe it is for Sehun, maybe he meant it when he called it a  _ trivial _ thing.

 

“Yes, sure.” Jongin mumbles, contradicting with he really wants to convey.

 

“Still best friends?”

 

He glances up at Sehun, and that's when it clicks to him. Being only best friends is not enough for him anymore. But that's the only way he can have him now, on account of Jongin's own mistakes.

 

“Always,” He whispers, fighting off the tears. It's better than not having him at all, he tells himself mentally. You should be thankful he's staying at all.

 

Sadly, the first time Jongin realizes he's in love with someone, it's also the first time he can't bring himself to hug his friend. Such privilege was lost along with his integrity. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Time is passing briskly and Jongin’s interests are gradually fading with it. Despondently, he walks home feeling numb and disheartenedly. It hasn't been the same ever since. He still has his best friend by his side, but a part of him is still longing for something.

 

Something that he had briefly, and didn't know how to treasure it. Something he can't have anymore in order to prevent their friendship from demise.

 

Time is healing, so he will manage. He tells himself that, although he barely believes his own words of consolation. One day, it will be normal again, he'll look at Sehun and it won't pinch his heart anymore. He'll stand next to Sehun and he won't feel any dizziness and heat creeping up his body. One day.

 

One day, he'll be able to forgive himself and move on. One day, his self loathing will decrease and he will bring himself to seek his muses again. He did owned up for mistakes, begged for forgiveness, learnt from them.

 

He is a new and different person, more understanding, more accepting. All the same, more careful. Maybe a shy too self conscious. Seulgi just sent him back home because he couldn't get it up this time. Again. Even when she sucked him off for a full half hour. She was nice, comprehensive, but still Jongin never felt so useless in his entire life.

 

He can't function anymore with anyone else. How could he, when all he thinks about is Sehun? From his voice, to his smile, his touch and hid body. He sees Sehun everywhere, even when he's not around.

 

At home, he's met with Sehun standing in front of a mirror. Hair swept back and well combed, exposing his forehead. That somehow makes him look manlier and a tad older. Sleek pieces of clothing measured precisely for his tall and lean figure, and expensive shiny accessories complete his chic outfit. All dressed and dolled up for a night out apparently.

 

“Looking good, dude. Who are you trying to impress?” Jongin asks amicably, walking past to slump down on the couch.

 

“All my dad's friends. They're all influential people and he's forcing me to socialize at this stupid event.” Sehun huffs, adjusting the lapels of his leather jacket to the mirror.

 

His musky cologne, a new one, Jongin senses, seethes through the room, intoxicating. 

 

“I don't think you'll have to do much. They'll like you naturally just the way you are.”

There's an awkward pause. It's always surfacing tauntly in the air lately.

 

“Anyway. I'm only going because it's a charity event for a great cause.” Sehun says after clearing his throat, glancing at Jongin through the mirror. He swirls around, hands stretched to his sides, as though he's showing off. Jongin keeps his gaze laboured.

 

“Do I look okay?”

 

That's the problem. Sehun looks too okay. Ever since that horrid night, he's been untroubled, acting normally as usual, like nothing has ever happened between them. Like his heart is made of steel and was never dent by Jongin's impairing words.

 

He should feel relieved by that, but in opposition, his heart is made of feather and is damaged.

 

“You look fine.” He mumbles, with a lip tied smile.

 

“Good. I'll be back as soon as possible. Don't have dinner without me.”

 

“Sure. Have fun.”

 

His smile distorts as soon as Sehun flings the door shut. Alone in the flat, Jongin’s breath shudders, and with no one to witness, he sneaks a hand inside his pants and strokes his cock until it swells up and pre come pearls at the top. All solely because of thoughts of Sehun's ass inside those tight jeans and the scent of his cologne that lingered behind.

 

He laughs bitterly at himself, hand pumping haphazardly and way too desperately. How shameful it is that he can't get it up for a girl, but only one quick glance at his best friend and he's already so close to climax.

 

He's such a pervert, he thinks as he comes hard, milking himself until he's sensitive to the touch.

 

Sehun is like a drug, and he's too strung out.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongin waits. And when dinner turns cold, he eats by himself. It's tasteless and colorless, just like everything else recently. He guesses Sehun found amusement at the event, for completely standing him up.

 

Whatever. This isn't reason to feel hurt over.

 

His bowl is left half empty only, rejected, when Sehun steps through door, the widest smile plastered on his face, stars sparkling in his eyes.

 

“Wow, seems like you really had fun.” Jongin comments. “What happened with ‘wait for me for dinner’?”

 

“I'm sorry. I met this really cool guy.” Sehun reasons, perching at the edge of the table. He smells different. Like someone else.

 

“Oh, really?”

 

“We chatted all night, and he was so nice and sweet and smart.” Sehun sighs, stunned. That awestruck smile still etched to his face.

 

Jongin's insides twist, he suddenly feels like vomiting all of his dinner. The seasonings must have been expired. 

 

“Chill. Is he one your dad's friends you needed to impress?” He finds himself asking, faking grins, even though he doesn't want to know, doesn't want to go through the hurt again.

 

“Yes! His name is Choi Siwon.”

 

What a lame name. He's probably an old greasy man with a fat belly, bald head with wrinkles all over his ugly face. 

 

“Then why such excitement?”

 

“Because,” Sehun pauses, pulling out his phone from a pocket. “He looks like this.”

 

The phone shoved into his face mocks him with the picture of an older man. Attractive, tall, rich, muscular, tanned skin, dimples. For the first time in his life, Jongin feels outrageously little and boring compared to another man. 

 

“Damn. He's older, but not as old as your other dad's friends. And he looks rich.” He snorts, gently swatting the phone away. 

 

“He's a CEO. I think he was courting me.”

 

This is just getting worse. Jongin balls his fists under the table, biting the inside of his cheek, disturbed. “You think?”

 

Of course he was courting Sehun. When he wears pants that tight, Everyone and their mothers court Sehun. That's no surprise. Only, it's a total matter of concern when it's a guy like Siwon and his sugar daddy vibes.

 

Sehun is giggling.  _ Ridiculous _ . 

 

“Well, he asked for my number, and--” He pauses, bringing his phone to his face. He gapes. “Oh my god. He's texting me!”

 

And then he leaps towards his room, typing his reply with that annoying grin never breaking. 

 

Meanwhile, Jongin’s heart is rupturing. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You're home?” Jongin mumbles uncommitted when Sehun walks in, fervor reigning on his face.  

 

“Siwon just dropped me off.”

 

The sound of that name makes Jongin's serenity morph into repulsion. He's sick and tired of hearing that name. From every ten words Sehun speaks, nine are Siwon this and Siwon that. 

 

“By your stupid smile I assume the date went well?” Jongin feigns intrigue, mouth betraying himself with such question. He doesn't want to know, he shouldn't know. It’s not like he can control his sadistic mind, though.

 

“It was perfect. He's so romantic.”

 

Jongin purses his lips, nods as if he's engaged in the matter. He is and he isn't at the same time. Go figure.

 

“He kissed me.” Sehun murmurs, with a hue on his cheeks. Jongin chuckles, pretentious.  

 

“Good for you.”

 

“He touched me.”

 

“I ate Seulgi out for hours. She came like six times.” He lies right through his teeth, out of spite. The only thing his mouth has been doing to Seulgi these days is rant about his pinning over Sehun. 

 

“Good for you.” Sehun returns, with genuine fondness shimmering in his eyes. 

 

“I think Siwon will ask me to be his boyfriend. Officially. Soon.” He reveals then, and that's when Jongin's whole world crumble. He knew it would happen eventually, still an irrational side of him waited for some vile obstacle to podrute and tear them apart. And he loathes himself for that sick wishful thinking.

 

“Seriously?”

 

“Yeah. He says he doesn't want to do anything intimate with me if we're not dating. And I checked and he's not closeted.” He giggles, sitting now on a chair next to Jongin. 

 

“Do you think he will be the one?” Another sadistic question rendered. 

 

“I don't know,” Sehun mutters, scratching his head. “Even if he isn't now, I want to learn how to love him. I think it will be easy with him.”

 

Like it wasn't easy with Jongin. The truth can cut so deep. Despite all the bleeding, he mumbles out in the end.

 

“I'm happy for you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Dude, you look like shit.”

 

Jongin pushes his ray ban sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to glare at Chanyeol. He does not need to be reminded, thank you. Mistakenly, he thought the ostentatious of his Ferrari and opulent accessories would disguise his awful state, like the bags under his eyes and his chapped lips. 

 

“Thanks.” He groans, folding his arms over his chest. Chanyeol accommodates himself by leaning against the hood of the red shiny vehicle, parked in front of their campus. 

 

“I barely see you at parties anymore. What happened to you?”

 

“College happened. I'm here to get a diploma, not to party.” He retorts, unkindly. 

 

“Ouch. You're maturing.” Chanyeol sounds unfazed. “Where's Sehun by the way? Haven't seen you together in a while.”

 

Whenever and wherever people see Jongin, they end up asking about Sehun's whereabouts, like he's supposed to magically know. They are not joined by their hips, for fuck’s sake.

 

“Probably with his sugar daddy. He's with him all the time now.” He says cheerlessly. 

 

“He has a sugar daddy?!” Chanyeol wheezes. “But I thought…” He trails off, tilting his head in confusion. He slings his backpack strap higher on his shoulder. “Well, I guess Kris was wrong.”

 

“Kris? Your former roommate? What are you talking about?”

 

“He dated Sehun for a while. Before he moved to Canada. And when they broke up, it was messy.”

 

Jongin sets himself straight, glancing skeptically at Chanyeol. It was Kris. Incredibly taller and multilingual Kris. Jongin's opponents all seem too indestructible for some reason.

 

“Wait. Kris was the fucker who dumped Sehun because he didn't want to go public with him?”

 

“That's… not what happened.” Chanyeol creases his brow. Something is not matching there. 

 

“That's what Sehun told me.” Jongin counters.

 

“Then he lied. I was in the room, unluckily, when the argument happened.”

 

Eagerly, Jongin presses. “Tell me. What did they say?”

 

After taking a breath, Chanyeol ruffles his own curly hair, and begins. 

 

“Sehun broke up with him saying he wasn't in love with him. He loved someone else.”

 

Someone else. Before Kris, the mysterious douchebag boyfriend.

 

Perplexed by that confession, Jongin presses further. “Who?”

 

“Dude,” Chanyeol grunts. “Ask him yourself. This is not my business.”

 

“Thanks Hyung. You are so helpful.” Jongin snaps, turning on his heels and marching towards the gates. He knows of someone more helpful than can guide him to the true. Or at least he thinks so. 

 

“Lisa. Can we talk?” He asks once he saunters up to the blond girl, who's chatting amicably with her inseparable group of friends. Jongin's hooked up with all of them, so he promptly ignores the glaring he receives from the three of them. 

 

“What is it?” Lisa sizes him up with disinterest, and there's something about her Barbie doll proportions that leaves Jongin uneasy.

 

“It's about Sehun. You know him better than I do.”

 

“No, I don't?” She asserts, with a flip of her long hair over shoulder. As on cue, her friends excuse themselves to give them privacy. And it's like the air gets a little more purified when they're gone.

 

“I'm worried about him. That guy he's seeing? I don't think he's right for him. He's weird.” Jongin says, although this isn't exactly what he had in mind to debate about. But the opportunity was presented and he's taking it.

 

“Siwon oppa treats Sehun well. I think they look cute together. I don't know what you mean.”

 

“There's something about him that makes me… Sehun loved someone else until a while ago. I don't think he really likes this Siwon guy.” Jongin whirls his words around a bit and it's there, taking their right direction to what he's really seeking. 

 

“That someone else broke his heart, Jongin. He's allowed to move on.” Lisa says, swaying a shoulder. She knows too much, Jongin can sense it. 

 

“Do you know who it was? The man he loved?”

 

Lisa scoffs. “You don't?”

 

“I'm asking you because I don't.” He returns, coldly. 

 

“You of all people should know, Jongin. But it doesn't matter now. Siwon oppa is making it official with him tonight.” Lisa says lastly, swiping a hand down her hair.  “Let him be happy.” And then she ambles away, high heels clacking against the ground. 

 

“What?” Jongin splutters to himself, too shocked and unprepared. She said tonight. 

 

He doesn't know what for yet, but he's feeling like he's running out of time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Battling against time, Jongin skips the stairs to his flat in desperate steps. With luck on his side, he meets Sehun at the doorsteps, standing restively. 

 

“Waiting for your date?” Jongin heaves, sagging against the wall beside his friend.

 

“I'm nervous.”

 

Sehun's nose is rosy, so are his cheeks beneath the cold weather of the night. Half his face is covered by the scarf wrapped around his neck, making his words muffled. It stands out the pierce in his eyes, eloquent as ever. For a moment, Jongin sort of gets lost in their glist. 

 

“Do you love him?” He blurts out unexpectedly. Sehun glances at him, caught off guard, and the glist in his eyes evanesces. 

 

“I want to. I want to love him.”

 

Jongin's heart bangs with hope. There is a wide divergence between wanting to love and actually loving. 

 

“Sehun,” He calls, smoothly. “Can you not go?”

 

“Why?” Sehun inquires, voice not so stable. “Why do you want me to stay?”

 

_ Because I love you. _

 

“I just… want you to stay. With me. That's it.” Words fail him, his thoughts are too jumbled. 

 

But that's the best he can come up with at the moment lest the other will be gone for good.

 

“I can't.” Whispers Sehun, melancholically. “I'm happy with someone. And I'm not what you want.”

 

“You are. I don't care what you are, all I know is that I don't want anybody else, I only want you. I want to be with you. Please, give me a chance. Don't go.” Jongin pours out, he knows he's practically begging, but not for one second he thinks he cares. 

 

Their friendship is on the line there, and Jongin is dangerously playing with the scissor, so close to cut it in two in an unmendable split. He doesn't care, he needs to try, or else this will eat him alive if he doesn't know how the outcome will turn out to be. He can't bottle up any more feelings inside his overflowing heart. 

 

“Stop,” Sehun is the one begging now. “I'm sorry. It's too late.”

 

The sound of a horn honking breaks through the air, and they notice the huge, luxurious vehicle pulling up near the sidewalk.  

 

The man Jongin has only ever met in a photography once, struts over in all his striking glorious. Up close, he screams of wealth, and lust and freedom. In contrast, Jongin feels small and invisible. 

 

“Hey baby,” Siwon delivers a gentle kiss on Sehun's cheek, looping an arm around his waist. Jongin's eyes stab poisoned arrows at the gesture, precepting the way Sehun sinks to his touch. 

 

“You must be Jongin. I've heard so much about you.” Siwon offers his hand, showing off well mannerisms, and Jongin only accepts it out of politeness. He should be using that hand to punch Siwon’s perfect mainly face.

 

“Anyway, we'll be going now. We shouldn't make our reserved table empty at my restaurant.” He says, and if he felt the claminess in Jongins hand, it's left unsaid.

 

“See you around, Jongin-ssi.” 

 

Jongin only nods, his incapability of forming words being so effective. He watches as they turn, arms still enveloped in each other, and walk away towards the car. He watches as Sehun looks over Siwon shoulder to Jongin. 

 

Sehun's eyes are glimmering with uncertainty. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The flat is infected with too many memories. Good and bad ones, so Jongin opts to turn off the lights, hoping he won't have to see himself in every corner with Sehun in his arms. That's all his mind can present him with nowadays. Sehun and him, together and happily. 

 

However, even the darkness is against Jongin. It reminds him of their first kiss, though it was erased from Sehun's mind too soon and hidden deep inside Jongin's heart. The memory still visits Jongin often, hauntingly. There’s no escape from Sehun, it seems. 

 

And even as he tries to get rid of everything related to Sehun in his mind, as though he can just will his feelings away, Sehun appears, like a mirage that forms tauntingly to his most unreachable desires. Sehun is quiet, eyes vacant, and suddenly Jongin can't control his tears anymore. 

 

“I'm sorry. I ruined everything. Ever since the beginning. I couldn't--”

 

“Stop, Jongin. Don't cry.” Sehun interrupts, and his voice is soothing, so calming. 

 

“I just wanted to know I really hope you can be happy with your man, and-”

 

“I just broke up with him.” Sehun reveals, words rolling in the darkness and merging with Jongin's sobs. 

 

“You... What?” He squeals. “Why?”

 

This was never what Jongin expected. He would rather have his own heart broken if it means Sehun would get to find happiness with someone else, even if it meant calling off their friendship altogether.

 

“I don't love him. I will never be able to love him. I'm in love with someone else.” Sehun says, strolling closer and sitting at the edge of Jongin's bed.

 

“Do you know with whom?” He asks, and even in the dark he sees Jongin shaking his head, pathetically. Or maybe he doesn't need to see it. He just needs to say it regardless. 

 

“It's you, dumbass. You're the one. Ever since we were little.”

 

Jongin exhales heavily, like he just reached the surface of the ocean that was swallowing him whole. “Even after everything?”

 

“Especially after everything. If you have the power to wound and mend me, it means I really love you, right?” Sehun chuckles, reaching out a hand to lay it on top of Jongin's. His touch is warm and healing.

 

The following tear that rolls Jongin's cheek is not one of desolation anymore. It translates to relief and joy.

 

“So it means I love you too.” He cracks a smile, heart vibrating madly in his chest. 

 

“Say it again.” Sehun urges, lacing his fingers with Jongin's.

 

He obliges without a second thought. “I love you.” It feels relieving and gratifying to finally utter those words with all his might.

 

It feels even more relishable when Sehun plunges in and kiss him hard on the mouth, holding his face with both hands and pouring all his emotions into the kiss. 

 

It's enough to replace all their agony with long awaited love.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Touching Sehun is addicting, energizing. And Jongin does it without restriction now. More than that, fingering Sehun is wonderfully mind blowing. He's been doing it for longer than intended now, basking in the slick movement of his three fingers sliding in and out of Sehun's virgin hole. Lying on his stomach, Sehun is grasping at the sheets as he moans and melts into the pillow, rutting against the mattress for the drag of Jongin's fingers is agonizingly slow and only grazes against his prostate ever so slightly. Jongin's lying on his side next to Sehun, with one thigh slouched in between Sehun's, keeping his legs apart. He loves the obscene wet sounds that his fingers produce as they fuck into Sehun, curling and scissoring and wiggling. 

 

“Please, Jongin. I'm ready.” This is around the third time he asks, writhing and squirming on the bed, body sweaty and blushing in all the right spots.

 

“Hold on, just a little more, baby.” Jongin coos, shoving his fingers more forcefully into the hot cavity. Sehun arches his back, moaning, his toes curling and legs parting wider.

 

“Please, I can't anymore, Jongin. Please…” 

 

Jongin hums, too enthralled by those beautiful noises Sehun is emitting. Purposely, Jongin slams his fingers harder and faster, but it stops just as soon as it starts, just to rile the other up. Sehun groans, rocking his hips in the air when Jongin takes pity and slowly extracts his fingers out of him.  

 

Spurred, Jongin grabs one Sehun's buttcheeks and pushes it aside, so he can see his drenched opening gaping and quivering. Jongin didn't need long to come to terms that he was going to have sex with a man. He wanted to do it with Sehun. Period. Just a few  quick research for precautions and he knew what he had to do to make Sehun's first time the most special.

 

Sehun lets out a sigh that's trapped between relief and anticipation. After wiping his stained fingers clean on the sheets, Jongin dips down to capture Sehun's lips in a tender kiss as he steadily puts on a condom and slicks his member up with lube. He applies a great amount, to make it the most comfortable for Sehun. Although he's inserted toys of all sizes inside his body before, he admitted that none of them came to be as thick as Jongin's dick. Needless to say, he was quite about smug about that fact.

 

“Tell me if it gets too much, okay?” Jongin advises, sliding a hand down Sehun's waist and then turning him to lay on his side, just like Jongin is, back to Jongin's chest. Sehun is shivering and sweating from head to toe, Jongin can feel it once he presses behind him, littering small misses on the younger’s shoulder.

 

“Just do it, you're not going to break me.” Sehun groans, rocking his hips backwards in the search of Jongin's hard member. Instantly, Jongin grabs his thigh and lifts it up to Sehun's chest, holding him firmly in that position. 

 

“Look at me. Kiss me.”Jongin urges, whispering next to Sehun's ear smoothly. The other complies by straining his neck and pressing their lips together. It's enough to distract Sehun as Jongin lines up and nudges inside. There's not much resistance from Sehun's body, but Jongin’s self restraints is on jeopardy when he gets enveloped by Sehun's heat and guttural tightness. His walls hug him snuggly, clenching further as Jongin slowly sinks in. Sehun moans into the kiss once Jongin bottoms out, hand coming to rest over the one thigh Jongin has pressed behind his own.

 

“I… I'm. God, just give me one second..” Sehun stutters, face scrunching up as he adjust to the new sensation of being full. Jongin himself needs a moment to adjust to all of the electrifying feelings he's immersed with. He should have expected that this to be better than any other partner he's ever had, but he still didn't expect it to be this good. 

 

It's without a warning that Sehun starts rolling his hips languishly, and Jongin gasps, blood rushing to his brain. He clutches his hand at the curve of Sehun's waist, and after rapidly getting his bearings, he starts thrusting slowly and shallowly. Sehun whimpers lowly, nails digging into the flesh of Jongin's thigh.

 

“Come on, Jongin. Pound into me.” He grunts through clenched teeth, and Jongin loses all senses. He shifts his hips more steadily, pulling almost all the way out and then slamming in. Sehun cries out loudly, indulging Jongin to repeat the move. So he does it, again and again. Long and hard thrusts that have Sehun sobbing and trembling. 

 

Eventually, Jongin’s cock sloppily slips out, breaking their rhythm, and Sehun whines while Jongin chuckles. Teasingly, Jongin rubs his cock head slowly over the entrance, letting it slip inside just slight past the ring of puckered muscles, and then dragging it out to rub the tip all over Sehun's crack. 

 

“Please, put it in again. I want more.’ Sehun begs throatily, eyes shut tightly. When Jongin slides home again, the drag is slick and easy, causing Sehun to sigh in daze. They settle on a considerable tender rhythm, just enjoying the intimacy, each other's touches and sounds. Sehun meets his thrusts halfway, and they lick into each other's mouths while they move together.

 

When the tightness of heat knots in the pit of Jongins stomach, his hips start stuttering and his grunts increase in volume. 

 

“I'm close, Jongin.” Sehun warns, as though heading Jongin's mind, so connected to him, literally. To reach their peak, Jongin grabs Sehun's thigh and lifts it up, so he can tangle his own thigh in between Sehun's. Then he pounds recklessly into him. Sehun is yelling, the bed is creaking and their skin is smacking against one another, ass on pelvis. And it works like magic. As a final touch, Jongin reaches around and wraps a hand around Sehun's bouncing and leaking cock, pumps it according to his thrusts, and that's all it takes for Sehun to scream and clench his walls around Jongin. 

 

“Yes, baby. Yeah. Come for me.” Jongin soothes, milking him dry, tripping over the edge when Sehun clenches and unclenches around him. His whole body jerks, instinctively biting down on Sehun's shoulder, teeth digging into his skin. His vision is blinking lights around the corners, and Sehun at this point is just boneless in his arms, breathing heavily. 

 

“Don't pull out now. Stay.” Sehun rasps, tiredly. So Jongin grants his wish by draping an arm around his middle and pulling him close against his chest. He lays butterfly kisses all over Sehun's sweety neck, and he giggles, but doesn't protest. 

 

“How was it baby? Did you like it?”

 

“Are you kidding me? It was amazing.” Sehun says, stifling a yawn. “I love you.” He blurts, eyes fluttering closed and mind drifting to sleep.

 

Jongin stays still for a second, just staring at the boy fast asleep in his arms. He said it so naturally, and the sound of it ringed so right in Jongin's ears, tickling his heart. He smiles, nuzzling behind Sehun's ear, before saying quietly. “I love you too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The hand at the bottom of Sehun's back guides him gently through the sea of people on their path to the living room, where the party is going wilder. For the first time, Sehun doesn't seem to be feeling dislocated and uncomfortable in the middle of the uproar, surrounded by swaying bodies and loud electronic music. He's even smiling, attempting his own timid dance.

 

“Everybody make way for South Korea's hottest couple.” Baekhyun shouts, both hands cupping his mouth, and suddenly the whole room howler and clap, opening room for their passage. 

 

Modestly, Jongin hides his rising blush behind Sehun's shoulder. He's always been one to exhibit his precious partners, showing off his prizes. Always the most popular girls everyone dreamed of having. With Sehun, everything feels different and new in a enthralling way. With Sehun, he feels like the lucky one, and he absolutely does not want anyone ogling his boyfriend. 

 

“Congratulations boys. I mean, now is really the right time to congratulate you, right?” Baekhyun checks, just in case, as he offers them both cups of beers.

 

“Yes. We're together.” Jongin affirms proudly, sharing a fond glance with Sehun.

 

“Oh man, finally. I've always wanted to congratulate the two of you.” Baekhyun cheers, hugging the two of them haphazardly in one arm. “Seriously, I don't know who's luckier. You guys are hot together.” He comments, giving them both an once over look. 

 

“Thanks?” Jongin giggles, rubbing his nape.

 

“Anyway. There are a lot of rooms upstairs if 

you guys want to… get down to business. Have fun!” Baekhyun gives each of them a slap on the butt, smirking. Sehun laughs at that out of embarrassment. 

 

Soon the two of them join the dance floor, immersed by the sound of the joyful music playing. They fit perfectly as they move lazily with their bodies pressed into one another, Jongin's hands firm around Sehun's waist. 

 

All eyes are on them, but Jongin doesn't mind. Not at that particular moment. He wants to let them see that he is where he's belong, with the one he loves. He wants them all to know that this is who he is. Sehun’s. No one else's.

 

Smiling, Sehun throws his arms around Jongin's shoulders, pulling him close to press their foreheads together and breathe each other's air.

 

Shivering slightly, Sehun seems a little flustered, hesitant under the pairs of curious and amused gazes targeted on them. 

 

“Hey, look at me.” Jongin whispers in his ear, arms tightening around him. “It's okay. This is Okay. It's you and me.”

 

Sehun nods, the hardness of his expression smoothing out as soon as he sets his eyes on Jongin's warm smile. All hesitance seems to fade when out of nowhere, he cups Jongin's face with both hands and molds their mouths together, for everyone to see. Jongin gasps initially, then quickly melts in it, nibbling gently on Sehun's lower lip.

 

A few whistles and appeased cheers erupt from the corners, drifting in the air and dissolving in their little personal bubble as they kiss without a care in the world.

 

All that matters is that from now on, they will be the source of each other's happiness.  

**Author's Note:**

> [X](https://twitter.com/_sehuning_)


End file.
